I want to walk on stilts...naked
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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