I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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