im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I touched a dick in church today
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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