Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
