Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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