Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I could make wine with my vomit
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
