dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
