Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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