Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
