Me. At least after what I've been through.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
