Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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