Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
