I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
