I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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