And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize