Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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