If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
