dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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