margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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