i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
