with your own penis?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She's the barista slut.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Randomize
