everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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