someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize