i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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