I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
