Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
