WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
