Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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