4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
