Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
