M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
