I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I puked a lego.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
