he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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