I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
There r osticjed everywhere
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
