you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
