I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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