Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
