wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize