he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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