the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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