maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
