Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
