I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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