I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
we have pet lesbian snakes
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
