You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
