Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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