You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
