just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
