im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
