The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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