i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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