when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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