i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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