i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize