i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
