this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
