I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
