i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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