walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
