At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wish there were birth control emojis
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
