Bisexual people are plain selfish.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
