does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
