I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
