dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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