Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
