I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
A+ Viking dick
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
