nut hugger
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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