He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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