i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
