just come out here and I will go home with you...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
