I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
