I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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