Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
