So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
