Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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