The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
