Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
