I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's official drugs can't kill me
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
