I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
