Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
