its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
