when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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