At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
