did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize